


No Choice

by Liana (Elexa)



Category: Deadmau5 (Musician), Electronic Dance Music RPF, Skrillex (Musician), Skrillmau5
Genre: Family Fluff, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-30
Updated: 2019-08-30
Packaged: 2020-09-30 20:37:42
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 3,498
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20453210
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Elexa/pseuds/Liana





	1. Chapter 1

“You love him?” she asks, voice shaky and tears in her eyes.

He nods and she wants to scream, at him, at the world, at everything and anything at once.

“Since when?” she continues to ask, and he shrugs his shoulders.

“Since always? Well, not in the beginning but shortly after?” she is not sure if he asks her or if he answers her but his answer calms her down slightly, nevertheless.

“All those years?” her voice is still muffled by the tears that burn in her eyes as she sits down beside him, one hand reaching out to ghost over the squid on his arm.

He nods again, eyes far off as something like an apology leaves him: “It’s not like I choose to love him. It just happened and since then I can’t stop. No matter what I do, what I try he is always there. That doesn’t mean that I don’t love you, I do, but not as much as I love him. I’ve never loved anyone like I love him.”

She has long since given up on the fantasy of soulmates. Had realized that it was nothing else than a fairy tale that gives hope to people. But as she watches him now, sitting on the edge of their-, of his own bed, sunk into himself while explaining this to her she wonders if some people actually do have them.

Obviously, she is also both jealous and angry but strangely enough the strongest emotion she feels is pity. Because, if there really are soulmates, how cruel would it be to know that yours will never love you back?

“Does he love you?” she therefore asks tentatively, and he lets out a dry laugh while shaking his head: “I don’t know, maybe. I never dared asking in fear of pushing him away and ending our friendship.”

She nods slowly and processes all that she has just learned.

“We can get a divorce, if you want to. I would understand if you want to leave.” He says dryly and the way he says it makes her realize that this is not the first time he has said those words.

She shakes her head: “No, Joel, I believe you when you say that you love me. It just will take some time to accept the fact that you are in love with someone else.”

“Thank the fuck then that I will be going on tour soon then, right?” he replies drily, and she nods.

“So, we aren’t breaking up?” he reaffirms, and she laughs lightly.

“No Joel, it will need more to get rid of me.”

“Thank you.” She hardly heard him be this honest.


	2. Chapter 2

She hadn’t lied when she had said that she needed some time.

But, two months into his tour she had made up her mind: She was sure that she couldn’t rest until knowing what the third party taught about this.

The only problem was: How would she find this out? He was, just like Joel, a famous DJ and not everyone could just walk up to him and ask him questions, plus, she did not want Joel to find out.

Therefore, she tried to call his label and make an appointment.

The manager or whoever answered her email had told her that it could take weeks to which she had simply replied that time wouldn’t be a problem for now.

He had thanked her and had told her that he would notify her once a date has been confirmed.

After that she had considered to send him a private message over the social networks but had strayed from that idea, fearing that Joel would find out.

Only three weeks later she picked out one of her nicest outfits and was on her way to the address she had been given.

Renting a room in Los Angeles hadn’t been a problem this time of the year, especially as she was only staying for a few days.

The room she was led into wasn’t as big as she expected, nor was the person on the other side of the table.

“Please take a seat, Mrs. Fedoni, or is it Zimmerman now?” comes a snidely greeting and she only forces a smile on her face.

“No, it is still Fedoni, Mr. Moore.” She replies calmly, “I did not take my husband’s last name. It’s a little bit long, don’t you agree?”

He seems to hold his tongue at that, sighs and smiles at her and she can finally see the “hippy” as Joel often describes the younger man.

“What can I do for you then, Mrs. Fedoni?” he asks her, and she smiles again while choosing one of her premade phrases.

“I just wanted to introduce myself to an old friend of Joel’s. Now that things are becoming better between you two again, we might see each other more often after all.” She smiles kindly at him and watches as he freezes in his chair before pulling an unconvincing smile on his lips.

“Hopefully we do, Mrs. Fedoni, I do miss the close relationship that I had with Joel.” He replies politely and she forces her smile not to waver.

“My beloved husband will be overjoyed to hear that. He does miss talking to another producer like that. Maybe you could come up to visit us when Joel is back? It will become warmer in Canada in a few months so we could make a barbeque! Joel has become quite good at grilling!” she chimes and sees the questions and doubts in his eyes.

“I wasn’t aware that Joel could cook” he doubts and musters her sternly.

She laughs, “He couldn’t, but he has learned to. He has changed quite a bid in the last few months.”

He slumps slightly in his seat and she would be lying if she said that it didn’t made her gleeful.

“Is that so?” he asks defeatedly and she nods, smile still in place, “then I should probably first get to know this new Joel. You don’t know when he would have time to meet with me, would you?”

She knew that, after the tour, Joel had set a few months aside to calm back down, but the jealousy inside her wouldn’t let her tell him that.

“I’m afraid he is rather busy for the next months as he is on tour right now and has projects planned afterwards.” The words leave her mouth before she even realizes what she has said and show their effect immediately as Moore slumps down further and stars at his jeans.

The anger and jealousy return to her and she is incapable of holding back the next sentences: “But I am sure that I could put in a good word with my husband for you and we can find a solution _together_. I am sure that my beloved Joel would like to meet an old _friend_. Especially one that could be a potential godfather to our child.”

She could have sworn that there were tears in his eyes before he blinked them away and a wobbly smile stretched over his lips.

“You are pregnant?” he asks her, clearing his throat to hide the breathiness of his voice.

“Not yet, but we are trying. You know how things are, the biological clock and all. Besides, imagine all the cute little costumes they could wear. Little mouseheads.” She chirps, hiding how the lie tastes like ash on her tongue. What was she doing?

“They?” comes the breathy whisper and now there are tears in those brown eyes and she can only shrug.

“Wow” he forces out, “I am just so happy that Joel has found such an amazing wife”, he visibly flinches at that word, “who is willing to give children to him.”

She smiles at him, thanks him and leaves him behind, cowering behind his table tears burning in his eyes and voice choked up.


	3. Chapter 3

Maybe going to Moore had been a mistake.

“You did _what_?”

She had hardly seen Joel this angry.

He had been back for about two weeks when Moore decided it a good idea to call him.

“Children? Multiple children? You lied?”

Apparently, Moore had congratulated Joel on their wedding and had asked if the position of the godfather was still available.

She hadn’t expected him to do that, not after witnessing the state he had been before she had left.

Anyway, Joel was furious and was pacing down the side of their living room.

“I originally wanted to see if Moore felt the same way about you as you do for him.” She confesses and that makes him freeze.

“You- what?” he stutters out, “You told him?”

“No, I just wanted to see how he reacts.”

Joel musters the floor and she can see the question burning in his head but doesn’t give him the answer. It would be the end of their relationship, of their marriage.

He still hasn’t moved; thus, she turns to leave and return to the kitchen and starts on dinner.

“Sonny will come to visit on the 16th of July, by the way.” He tells her over dinner, and it is only two spoonsful later that she realizes: “But that is the Saturday where I am working.”

“Then he will be only visiting me.” Joel replies drily and she knows that he had been aware of that.

It takes her everything not to shout at him: “And where will he rent his hotel room?” she sings lightly.

“Nowhere, he can have one of our guest rooms for the few days that he is up here.” Joel replies just as nicely.

“Days? I thought he would only stay one day. The 16th.” She inquires, laying her spoon down in favour of fixing him with an angry glare, “For how long will he stay with us?”

“As long as he likes. It’s not as if I have any _projects_ anytime soon.” Joel sneers back at her.

“I am working during the following week too.” She replies.

“I know.” he says, stands up and leaves the dinner table.

The 16th was only in two weeks, which flew by before she knew it. She tried to mend her relationship with her husband, but the growing pressure of Moore’s arrival made her choose the wrong words all the time.

Moore’s arrival was announced by the cat first, who apparently still knew his scent and was pacing up and down the windows as his car pulled up.

Joel had been in his studio and therefore she had been the one to open the door.

“Hello.” She could hear Joel’s footsteps from behind her but the sight of the smile dropping from Moore’s face was worth the slight push Joel gave her.

She returned to her kitchen after that, hearing the two men chat happily about Joel’s tour, music and games that they wanted to play.

That traitorous cat had slipped past her too and she could hear cooing sounds from the second floor.

Dinner had been awkward and therefore ended rather quickly as Joel and Moore moved into the living room where they quickly settled on some concert, of one of their befriended DJs, to watch.

She went to bed early as she needed to get up tomorrow to go to work.

Waking up to a cold bed, she hastily felt around until she found an arm on the other side of it and took a calming breath.

Getting dressed quietly she walks down the stairs only to find Moore in her kitchen.

“Good morning” she asks verily, and he turns to her with a plate.

“Good morning!”, he chirps at her, “I made pancakes for breakfast.”

She takes the plate from him and the syrup he hands her afterwards and walks over to the table.

She ate silently for some time and simply watches him pour and flip new pancakes.

“I love my husband, and he loves me.” She finally tells him, and he looks up at her, surprised, then smiles.

“I know. Joel told me last night.” He answers.

She nearly finished her pancakes when she addresses him again: “You love him too.”

He looks caught, then nods.

“You both are aware that the other loves you.” She continues to state the truth and her eyes fall to a red mark on the side of his neck that hadn’t been there the last time she saw him.

He nods again, this time there is a blush creeping up his face.

She sighs tiredly and rubs her eyes slightly as to not smear her mascara, “I just don’t understand – With me he could have a family, children. You can’t give him that.”

“Adoption is always an option.” Is the only thing he says, and she has to smile at the slogan.

“I guess”, she sighs, “besides there are too many things that Joel would not want to give his child.”

He laughs and she has to join in.

“His waning hair for one” she chuckles, and he snorts.

Sighing again she stands up and puts the dish in the dishwasher, before turning to him one final time before leaving for work: “In that case do tell Joel that I will pick up the divorce papers on my way back.”

He doesn’t reply to that, nor to her “Have a great day!” and the cat doesn’t rise from her position on the countertop either.


	4. Chapter 4

She looks for apartments back in her hometown during her breaks and checks in with her husband over Moore’s Instagram page.

Temperatures had risen to 30°C and therefore those two had spent the day in the pool.

Moore wore a pair of swimming trunks that she quickly had identified as Joel’s, not only because they were slightly too big on the smaller man, and before she knew it the comments were filled with #skrillmau5 and notes on the various red blotches that appeared with each new post.

One picture in particular had caught her attention: It was taken by Moore who was still in the pool, taking a selfie his back was to their terrace. On the terrace was the barbeque where Joel stood, trademark cap on his head and only wearing still wet swimming trunks of his own.

On one of the lounges that stood partially in the sun she could make out the figure of Meowingtons bathing in the warmth. But all that was not what had made her stop at the picture, nor were it the many red spots that decorated her ex-husband-to-be’s neck and shoulders.

No, her eyes were drawn to the three red spots that were barely above the hem of his shorts and the fourth that peaked out half-way from under it.

Since she had seen that picture, she hadn’t dared to look at any more and focused on work and on finding a suitable new home for herself.

Getting the papers at court was easier than it probably should have been, and she soon was on her way back.

She smelled the barbequed meat from three streets away and wanted nothing more than to return home, eat and go to bed.

Quickly ringing once before unlocking the front door she was greeted by a silent house. Carefully she entered the hallway which led to the kitchen and out to the terrace.

“Joel? Moore?” she called out but did not receive an answer.

Moving through the empty kitchen out to where the terrace was now fully shadowed by the house, she found the two men napping in one of the lounges.

Moore had cuddled his way up on Joel’s chest with Meowingtons lying on top and tiredly blinking at her.

She quickly took out her phone and took a few photos, they soon needed something to prove those rumours true anyway.

Then she turned back towards the barbeque and found the plate with her name on and took it back inside to eat.


	5. Chapter 5

“Wake up, Emily. Wake up! We need to get ready!” Emily turned back towards the wall and pulled the blanket over her head to shut her eldest sister out.

Suddenly that very blanket was ripped from her and she could hear Emma, her second oldest sister laughing.

“Are you ladies awake in there?” came the question from her Daddy and slowly Emily could remember why she had to get up all of a sudden.

As she sat up the door to her room was opened and her Daddy stepped in. He was already wearing a pair of black trousers and a white shirt, even his long black hair was brushed and fell to his shoulders prettily.

“Come on girls, you still have to eat breakfast and you have to put on your pretty dresses for today!” Daddy says and she nods and follows her sisters out of the room, down the hall and the stairs and into the kitchen.

Her dad, similarly dressed as their daddy, is putting the last pancakes on plates and puts down a plate before each of them.

Their daddy, who has followed them into the kitchen presses a quick kiss to the green tattoo on their dad’s neck and she mimics throwing up, just like her older sister do, to which her dads only laugh.

“I heard that it brings bad luck if you see the bride before the wedding!” Elizabeth, the oldest, pipes up and Emma nods beside her.

“In that case we can be lucky that there won’t be a bride today, can’t we?” her dad replies and smiles brightly at them. Emily snickers while her older sisters seem to think about it for a second then nod and return to their pancakes.

As soon as they have finished their breakfast and have put their plates and cutlery into the dishwasher their daddy shoos them out of the kitchen again and up into the bathroom.

“Brush your teeth, we don’t want that any of you got their mouth stuck together from all that maple syrup.”

Emily laughs quietly as Liz tries to argue that he is lying to them and their daddy asking if she wants to find out (she doesn’t).

Quickly brushing their teeth Liz and Emma go to their room while daddy helps her put on her own dress.

They all wear dresses like each other, all in a light pink and daddy promised to braid white flowers into their hair.

As soon as she has her dress on her daddy asks her if she needs help brushing her hair, which is really silly because she is a big girl who can brush her own hair.

Daddy leaves to look if any of her sisters need help and tells her to take her brush and go downstairs to dad after she is finished.

Dad is searching for some papers when she comes down but sits down with her to tell her a story about a mouse that falls in love with a prince as soon as he has found them.

Liz joins them and together they imagine all the troubles that mouse has to go through so that it can reach its beloved prince.

They continue their story even after Emma and daddy joined them and they too create new challenges for the poor mouse.

When all their hair is braided, and the mouse has finally reached its prince they are ready to go after each of them have said good-bye to Meowingtons who only flicks his tail around and turns on his back.

“He’s an old cat, he needs his rest.” Their dad always tells them, but Emely thinks he is just very, very lazy.

The place they drive to is like a huge garden and just as pretty and all their uncles and aunts are there too!

Her dads leave them for a quick moment which is just enough time to play a round of catch with uncle Dillon, which their uncle loses because he isn’t fast enough to catch them.

Then they walk deeper into the garden and it gets even prettier, there are flowers everywhere and a lot of chairs, all facing towards the narrow, strange, tall table, where a man in a long black dress stands.

They get to sit in the first row, with uncle Dillon on one side and Uncle Thomas on their other side, while two of their other uncles stand at the front besides their dads.

Then the man in the black dress begins to talk and she really tries to pay attention, as uncle Thomas tells her to, but it gets really hard because it seems like the man just doesn’t want to stop.

The people around them all start to sniff, and she is pretty sure that even uncle Dillon is about to cry while she feels just very happy, as if thousands of bees are inside her stomach.

Then her dads are kissing again and just this once it is not as disgusting as normally to see their dads kiss each other.


End file.
